Dear 15-Year Old

Dear 15-year old Deborah,

Forget about schools and tuitions and friends – they didn’t last. They remain as Facebook faces, but that’s about it. 

Forget about grades – you will never be good enough. You have two smarter, brighter younger sisters who will always outshine you. 

Forget about seriousness – I promise you will hate yourself when you’re 25.

Instead, I wish you had done the following:

  • Get a high school sweetheart, even if it’s just a few months old puppy love. Because the 20-something year old Deborah is hating you for missing out that crazy, stupid love
  • Runaway. Pack up and go travel around the world, penniless. Or with that very, very limited savings you had. Because the 20-something year old Deborah no longer have the luxury (of time and of money) to do so
  • Have fun. You should have tried under-aged parties and all the reckless things; life would have been much more worth living
  • Do all the things mom and dad told you not to. Because the 20-something year old Deborah has no interesting adolescence stories to brag
  • Forget about the main course. You will eventually get there. Instead, you should have had the “side dishes”. Because the 20-something year old Deborah misses every single possible thing that COULD HAVE happened
  • Rebel. Because you are young and reckless and you have the rights to rebel. Because the 20-something year old Deborah no longer fights

Dear 15-year old Deborah,

Do not fall in love. I repeat, do not fall in love. You may like someone; but don’t give it all in. You know how they said “love is trouble” – okay maybe I said that – but it’s true. Save yourself from the unnecessary heartache.

O’ you will meet some assholes and douchebags. The key is to be a ruthless bitch. I’d rather you break hearts than to get your heart broken. Because it hurts so much….remember the “Carrot, Egg, and Coffee Bean” story mom emailed you about? ….

You are the egg. 

You may think you’re the coffee bean, but you aren’t as tough as you’d thought. You are the egg; and the people who love and care about you will fail to comprehend. You’ll end up being a bigger disappointment.

Dear 15-year old, 

They will tell you that you are smart. That you are bright. That you will make it one day. 

It’s not true. 

You are anything but special. At 20-something, you will have a 9am to god-knows-what-time job. Not office bound *thank god for that* You will be stuck in the congested motorway while daydreaming of the fine, white sandy Sunny Coast. You work two jobs because you have dreams and responsibilities. Oh, you will also be torn between dreams and obligations. You will scorn at  your own reflection…because you begin to be disappointed. 

At yourself.

So, dear 15-year old Deborah,

I wished the 20-something year old me could have gone back in time to warn you. Because it is too late now….. and the 20-something year old constantly wonders. 

Is this life worth living?

Signed,

The 20-something Deborah

Advertisements