Misfit

Aidan parties a lot. And when he parties, Aidan drinks and smokes a lot too.

He doesn’t know if he likes loud banging crowd in an enclosed, stuffy and pitch dark space, the burning liquor, and the distinct smell lingering in the air. All Aidan knew is that parties keep him sane and occupied; the drunken sensation heighten him; and the fresh sweet scent, lighten him.

One needs to feel happy – and that’s when Aidan giggles and laughs and cheers.

The hangover is excruciating, but to Aidan, it might just be worthwhile. He needs the affliction to feel as if he is living. Walking dead, but breathing. So he pierces and he tattoos.

“Oh I am only following the trend. I have no idea what I am doing, but hey it’s cool”

That’s the standard answer. The usual story he tells.

Aidan is a storyteller who tells many story, so real that you would never second-guess them. He is also an artist who paints pictures in such a realistic way you would actually think they exist. He is a stage player, an actor, a performer.

Truth is, Aidan is of many things and many roles. He is just never Aidan.

One may think that Aidan is an open book, ever-smiling and gay. Yes, he can tell strangers chapters of himself. But with just enough details. He colors the picture so well no one had doubted that they overlooked the missing precision.

No one can ever, ever find out that I am a defect, beyond repair.Β 

It is only sensible and right that he is perfect.

Thus he pretends to be okay and continue being the “go-to” person for whinging. He continues to be the venting channel, because he thought it would do everyone a favour. Everyone, but himself.

Thus he keeps silent when the voice in his head was crying vigorously. He smiles and nods, when all he wanted to do was to tell them to shut up and deal with their own problems like how adults should.

Thus he pretends to be fine when he’s wretched and his world shattered. Because only a weak name would show the world a broken mannequin.

Like Frankenstein, I am an unworthy misfit.

See, the sober stillness drives him crazy. So he is always on the run. And with another deep and long inhale, he dopily runs away from himself.

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