Thank You

Thank you for this much needed trip.

This week, I’ve been reflecting as much as the pieces of a friend’s broken heart. Looking at her now was like looking at myself in a mirror that shows the past.

I don’t know what I should and could do to make her feel better. I tried bitching and anger. I tried denial and trying to have her cry it out. I tried listening and advising – although I don’t think I’m of much help in this area. I tried being the sassy girl friend, suggesting rebound and hook-ups.

I even really tried match making. To be honest, I was excited as if it was for myself.

I tried everything that I had used before. Though I cannot understand the context of the pain, I can definitely understand the agony. Don’t we all?

If only I knew what works, I’d gladly just hand her the recipe. I just somehow got over it.

Time. Probably.

I now understand how much tolerance and patience my friends have had for me. The sudden anger, the unexpected frustration, and all the negativity. It could really be awkward, but I’m glad I have them to back me.

The night I cried in public (in a stupid club for god’s sake) is still pretty vivid in my mind. The brotherly hugs and hand gripping/squeezing/or whatever girls do. The “tell me where and who is the asshole?!”. I didn’t expect that. Normal friends would just walk away out of embarrassment. I would walk away from myself too, thinking back.

And then I realised that I couldn’t go this low. All the silly things heartbroken people do that I had frowned upon before, I was doing it. And for that, I was angry at myself for a pretty long time.

Long and exhausting time.

I don’t think I could ever thank them enough for what they have done for me. They were the only people, who do not understand but still be there for me. Because I felt so embarrass and stupid that I couldn’t bring myself to tell my family. The last thing I wanted was a long talk or advice from them.

So really, after what… 1.5 – 2 yrs?? Thank you for this much needed trip. This will be a closure. And then it’s back to…

I’m fucking awesome and you must be stupid to not like me

Yours Truly

p/s: despite the pain, I wish that everyone could at least experience that once in a lifetime. It could change your perspectives and mould a stronger person. Or it could kill you.